Cultivating Both/And Thinking in Love: Can You Have Both Passion and Security?

People tend to believe that, at some point, they have to settle. To them, love is either fire and fury, or immature, or safe and stable, or mature. But there is another option, which may appear different to different people.

Willing yourself to attempt to regain something, as opposed to taking the risk of fighting for something new, isn’t as challenging as you may initially believe; we fear loss much more than we fear rejection. Consider how many times you’ve forsaken dating, trying again but with someone new, Didn’t you long for the comforts of some prior partner, to bask in the warmth of predictability? Did you ever settle for the “nice guy” because it was better than nothing, or rather, better than risking rejection? Settling, in this respect, is common and obvious. The individual knowingly does so, convinced that better options don’t exist, at least not for them.

But…