The Perfectionist’s Shame: Why the Difference Between Responsibility and Blame Matters

It seems that perfectionism can stand in the way of learning- a skill for example. Mistakes are a necessary adjunct to learning. It may inhibit the development of experimentation and personal style as well as authenticity. I was thinking about Stanley Kubrick renowned for this quality but making repeated takes to attain what he required.

Leon's Existential Cafe

“We don’t want to become what we are. We want to become a concept, a fantasy, what we should be like. Sometimes we have what people always call the ideal, what I call the curse, to be perfect, and then nothing we do gives us satisfaction.” -Fritz Perls

Idealism is the progenitor of shame.

On the one hand, it helps us cultivate a better world; but, on the other, it forms the foundation of a myriad of emotional maladies. Perfectionism is tied to the beliefs that one is inherently bad and unlovable, but it holds the promise of abundant affection if she can rid herself of her impurities. This love is as divine as she can be (and, sometimes, thinks she is), but it resides only in the fantasy of her daydreams. So, she lives in a juxtaposed state, in which she craves perfection but suffers immensely when recognizing her…

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By penwithlit

Freelance writer and radio presenter

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